I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
