Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
