I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
