we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
