i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
