Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
