Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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