Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
