I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
