We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
