I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My pussy is not your playground.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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