Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize