We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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