i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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