I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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