I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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