She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
