yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
