You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
