my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
no you cant smoke seaweed
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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