Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
