You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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