So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
