we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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