Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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