Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
