he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
