it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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