I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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