I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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