so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
