My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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