Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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