I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
