carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
