So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
