I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
