I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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