Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
