Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
