i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
