Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
