You made me cry and you don't even care
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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