Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
