is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
