i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
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Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed