Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase