There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
