i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
