I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!