From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes