Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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