There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
