you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
there is puke in my bra ... again
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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