I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
