had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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