You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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