Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
