i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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