i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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