3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
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