Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
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She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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