I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
