3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
