So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
