4 words: hood of his car
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
