I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
