Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
