I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
