I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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