never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
