also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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