But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
