i jhust puked up my retainher.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize