but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
