Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
