You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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