Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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