you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
