i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize