i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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