phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
